The stud/fag complexPosted: January 28, 2013
Sexuality, then, is fundamental to the Masculinity Conspiracy. By giving disproportionate weight to biological determinism and setting up false binaries in terms of gender values and sexual orientation, sexuality offers a theme through which the conspiracy continually defines and regulates masculinity on its own terms. However, it is surprisingly easy to reject the assumptions behind the conspiracy’s mobilization of sexuality and to open ourselves to multiple and fluid ways of being men and women, masculine and feminine. Once we have started to suitably manifest these diverse identities, we can put them to work in the relationships we have with those around us, the next contentious site of activity in the conspiracy.
From The Masculinity Conspiracy by Joseph Gelfer.
In my last entry, I wrote about how my sex drive is not manly because libido has no basis in biology. I’ll need my male friends to help me out with this one, but I’d like to talk about masculinity & sexuality.
I’ve never been a man, nor do I ever want to be, but I have many relationships with men and perhaps because I am a woman, often see the effects of contemporary, Western ideals of masculinity.
Joseph Gelfer says that our biggest problem with masculinity is its polarity. You’re a stud or you’re a fag. As a woman I can relate to this because I feel the effects of the virgin/whore complex.
Gelfer talks about sexual orientation and masculinity. Homosexuality is something women have an entirely different relationship with than men. For a man, being called gay is one of the biggest attacks on his masculinity. For a woman, being called a lesbian seems closer to a challenge, “how far will you go?”.
Gelfer suggests the Kinsey Scale is a solution to this:
The Kinsey Scale put people into seven categories:
0 Exclusively heterosexual
1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual; bisexual
4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6 Exclusively homosexual
Gelfer talks about casualness, and the pressure men feel to accept casual sex. In Micheal Kimmel’s Guyland he quotes a statistic saying that more men than women have engaged in unwanted intercourse. Women would classify this as sexual assault, but it’s as if men are being assaulted by society’s pressures for them to be the alpha male. When I’ve brought this up with male friends, none of them are surprised. If you’re a woman you can’t say yes because you’d be a slut. If you’re a man you can’t say no because you’d be a fag.
Ladies, let’s talk to our boys about this problem, because men who are comfortable in their own skins, won’t be intimidated by women who are comfortable in theirs.
Gentlemen, please please please let me know what you think about this.